I am blessed to have experienced love from the opposite sex. It has been interesting that I have experienced different types and levels of love. I have experienced a first love, futuristic love, true love, crazy love and waiting to experience unconditional love. So I want to share some of my stories of these different ways that people have loved me and the one way that I am patiently waiting for. Lastly, I want to give you my definition and some of my understanding of being in love with someone.
My first love was a beautiful person he had a dark chocolate skin complexion, full lips,and a beautiful smile that lit up my world. I am speaking in past tense because he was killed in 2005 so now all I have are the memories that he and I shared. Anyway, I met this young man in the 5th grade I was new to the school and I didn't really notice him at first. I was interested in this other kid but when 6th grade hit it was chocolate time, haha. He and I were in band together he played the trumpet and I played the trombone. I just loved that he would try to impress me so much. One day we had to take the late bus home because we had band practice and it was just him and I on the bus. I laugh at this now but I was a bold little girl, if I wanted something I went for it. So I decided let's play truth or dare. We were both acting shy and doing just truth questions then I kicked it up a notch and starting saying dare. So I dared him to kiss me, the look on his face was priceless. He climbed in my seat and we kissed and it seemed like an eternity. It was perfect and this was my first real kiss. I felt dizzy after because there was so much passion there, I couldn't believe it my crush actually had feelings for me too. So the next day on the playground my two friends decided to "hook" us up. But I was so nervous and he was too, so he was taking too long to ask me out so I just took the opportunity and asked him to be my boyfriend, of course he said yes. Then we kissed and every day after that we kissed. I knew I loved him because he was he was so beautiful to me in every way. I know people might be skeptical on loving someone so young but it was real. Even up until the time he died he would always tell me that I was his first love and that I needed to stop talking to these other guys. I knew he was joking about the latter part but he was so right about our love.
My futuristic love was a guy that I met at my best friend's house the summer before my sophomore year in high school. I thought he was so fly, charming and funny. He resembled Allen Iverson to me, Iverson to me was the best looking man in the NBA so I felt like I hit the jackpot. My best friend did the match making for us. He went to East High School and so did my best friend. He was my futuristic love because we talked about our future together which was a first for me. We talked about our children's names, our wedding, and our house. I never had this before, he was interested in marrying me one day. However, he was a senior when I was a sophomore so these weddings plans would have to wait awhile. Also, I was not allowed to date at all and our relationship was a secret from my parents. So I knew this whole thing would be hard to pull off especially since we went to two different high schools and he had different options of women at his school. I went to Wheatland-Chili and trust me I was not distracted by boys. My one distraction who was my first love who left me and went to Edison Tech. Unfortunately, he grew tired of our random phone conversations. I could only call him at my grandmother's house, at home I was not allowed to talk to boys. We stopped talking for months and I basically emancipated myself from the relationship. I did randomly call him one time in May and he was getting ready to go to this girl's prom. That phone conversation crushed my spirit, that was confirmation that we were over. This was my first heartbreak, I was devastated that my dreams would not be fulfilled with this man. Unfortunately, I disliked him for years after that so it took me awhile to get over him. The crazy thing is he did get married right out of high school, it didn't last but he wanted a future with someone so badly that he settled.
My true love was a man that I knew most of my life. We grew up together his mother and my mother were good friends we would have sleepovers and we would get together all the time. He also had a sister who was my number one buddy. I always thought he was the cutest boy in the world, he had these deep dimples that made me melt. Our parents would joke that one day we would get married. It's crazy I never thought he and I would ever date but we did. It was my freshman year in college I would call to talk to his sister but he would pick up the phone and we would talk for hours. We had such a good vibe, it was natural and I was not afraid to be myself around him. He loved that I liked to eat and that I was not ashamed of that. A few months before this he was shot and people attempted to rob him. He was a walking and talking miracle, even after this he was so full of life and would even joke about his wounds. I couldn't help but be intrigued by him, here is someone that met death in the face and still is positive so I was inspired by him. Anyway, our romance began and he came to visit me at college. That night he sang to me Floetry's song "Say Yes" and I never heard the song before so I asked, "Say yes to what?" He replied, "Say yes to me". I can't describe the feelings that I felt, I never had a man sing to me and his voice is beautiful. I wanted him to be my last boyfriend ever. He was my true love because he knew all of me and accepted me. Also, I accepted all of him, flaws and all. Unfortunately, we did come to end without closure either, but I still appreciate what he and I had.
I experienced different types of crazy love, this is the kind of love that I don't ever want again. However, I will only write about one example of crazy love. My ex boyfriend and I met at a previous place of employment. I thought he was handsome but I could tell by his lips that he smoked a lot of marijuana. He approached me and I was surprised I didn't think I would be his type. We had a good vibe, very strong connection. He was the first man to ever cook for me and bring it to bed so that I could enjoy it. The reason I call this crazy love is because he would verbally abuse me everyday. He would call me a dumbass over the craziest thing. For instance, I approached a light and it was turning red so I stopped he was so upset that he went off. He said, "You are such a dumbass why didn't you go through the light. Come on you are such an idiot". I am a person that doesn't take verbal attacks well, especially not from a man. As you know he was expeditiously dropped off at home. As a result, I knew that changes had to be made, he would apologize but do it again. I realized if you really are apologetic then don't use such abusive language towards me. I knew I was settling when I met him but I wanted to give him a chance so I could prove myself wrong. He smoked everyday and I hated smokers. Also, he was drinking forty ounces everyday like it was still the early 90's, he didn't have a car, he wouldn't pay for our meals, movie tickets, or gas. I could go on and on about what he didn't do but I thought I could change him. Again I was naive and new at this dating thing. Unfortunately, this was all a learning experience due to dating being forbidden when I was younger. He wasn't in love with me he was in love with controlling me and in love with what I could do for him. The break up with him wasn't easy because I was called a bitch and a whore for breaking up with him. After this I definitely needed a break and time to heal from all that constant abuse. So if you ever encounter crazy love, run as fast as you can. It is not worth any of your time.
I feel that love is a mystery to the human mind, it takes over sometimes without warning especially when it is someone that is undeserving of that love. Personally I feel love is an action word. A man can tell me all day that they love me but if his actions are speaking otherwise then he is a liar in my eyes. The definition of unconditional love is to love someone regardless of their actions or qualities. Wow that is profound! I truly think most people will only experience unconditional love with their parents. I know my mother has loved me regardless of my actions and qualities because most of the time I don't bring anything to the table. It is unfortunate to know that most relationships are conditional. For instance, if you do this for me then I will do that for you, some people always want something in return. If it is not in your heart to do it then don't do it. When you give you shouldn't expect anything in return. Side note: unless a contract was signed. However, I have been blessed to experience this love with my friends. They were there for me at my lowest of lows, instead of ignoring my calls when I had by sad stories they listened and encouraged me. I know it's hard being a friend to a negative person but if they want to change then keep encouraging them. Also, I do believe some couples have experienced this kind of love. I know this is the kind of love that I want to experience, unconditional, loving me regardless of my actions or qualities. So I will conclude, what kind of love do you desire?
No comments:
Post a Comment